A simple gnome

[aleros]

She had moved from her cozy home in Ironforge not two weeks beforehand, and now found herself living in a small shack in Elwynn forest. She had considered a temporary residence in Goldshire, but after having visited thought better of it. She really didn't understand the culture, especially when tall humans would come up to her and offer her money and other shinies for "favors". This gnome was of indeterminable age, but young enough to be in the prime of her feelings for love and searching for that one companion.

Just last month there was an ad in the Ironforge that the famous Zazz Tinkersprocket, the inventor of the micro-gnomebox, was looking to settle down with the love of his life, and that any prospective candidates should come to his residence in Stormwind and apply in person for the chance to be his love.

What did she have to lose? She was an eligible young bachlorettegnome with pink hair (all the guys went crazy for the pink hair) a cute face and an adorable laugh. She was a shoe in for this!

However, she had found the process to become a Stormwind resident a bit arduous. But after a week of filling out paperwork and making sure she had all her immunizations, and waiting another two weeks for her official papers of residency to arrive in the mail, she was ready to meet her beloved Zazz and accept his declarations of love for her.

The day before she was to go to the city, she went out into Elwynn forest, smiling and humming pleasantly to herself while she collected flowers. As she leaned down to collect a handful of peacebloom, she noticed a squirrel was watching her.

"Hello there little forest woodland friend!"

The squirrel tilted its head as she talked to it.

"You seem to be a bit friendlier than all the other woodland creatures around here. Why, just last week I was attacked by a bear and a giant spider on the same day! Can you believe that?" She giggled.

The squirrel curiously crawled closer.

"Are you hungry little guy?" She reached into her pocket and procured a tasty snack bar she had brought with her. She held her hand out to the squirrel, snack bar in her palm. "Here you go."

The squirrel scurried up to her, sniffed the snack bar, then her hand. It looked at her, tilting its head again, then bit down on her hand suddenly and scurried away.

"Ow!" She yelped, dropping her snack bar and shaking her hand out. She put the wound to her lip and sucked at the little bead of blood that had formed. "You weren't a very nice little squirrel after all."

She decided that it was about time to head home, as the bite had made her a bit woozy, although she had not lost nearly any blood.

At home later that evening she was even more dizzy and tired. It wasn't even late. Darn that squirrel! She thought she'd had all her immunizations too. She went through them all... Chickenpox, gnomepox, goldshireitis, Ray-bees, snifflis, kal'dorei singing sickness, chocolotiter, catnip pox (that disease where you get boils that smell like catnip and can't get the cats to stop following you)... and... and...

There were more, why couldn't she remember them? She suddenly realized there were many things she couldn't remember. That didn't matter, she was going to see her beloved... her beloved... who was she going to see tomorrow? She thought so hard on it, until she passed out.

---

The little gnome awoke later. What time was it? It was still dark outside, but that wasn't all. There were strange people leaning over her bed, all with tendrils of drool and rotting flesh. She sat up, scared and unable to speak. Wait, she tried to speak, why couldn't she? What language did she speak? She couldn't even remember that, she couldn't remember anything.

One of the zombies pointed at her. "Brraaiins!" Then looked at all the other zombies. They seemed to shrug and continued staring at her.

She managed to squeak out in response. "B... b-braaiins?"

All the zombies nodded. "Brraaaaaaaaaiiiiins!"

She pointed at herself, "Braaiins?"

All the zombies jumped up in a cheer, "Brains!"

"Braaaaaiiins!"

"Braaiiiiiiiinnns!"

"Braaiiiiins!"

"Brrrrraaaaiins." They all started out the door of the cottage in single file. She didn't follow at first. The last zombie, who seemed to be the leader beckoned her. "Brains."

She shook her head in confusion.

The leader zombie sighed. "Braains..." And came over to the bed and picked her up, placing her on his back. "Braaaaaiiiins!" He pointed forward and charged out the door.

The small force of zombies ran through the forest, but where were they going? The moon shone overhead and lights loomed in the trees ahead. The zombies ran forward faster, many of them could smell the living flesh to be had.

Goldshire was suddenly overrun by a small battalion of zombies, the guards desperately trying to fight them, but succumbing to vicious bites and quickly joining the zombie army themselves. The street was taken, and then the blacksmith, bodies rising as zombies as they were ferociously bitten. Then the zombies poured into the inn.

"Brrrrrraaaaaaiiiiiiinnns!" Howled the zombies as they overran the hussies and tarts on the bottom floor. Screams came as these too turned into zombies, the ones that hadn't been picked for their pleasure.

Zombies piled up the stairs, barely able to fit them all in the stairs, crowding and moaning as they ran up and some even fell down the stairs.

(( Highlight below for NSFW part ))

The gasps and moans of pleasure came from rooms all around them, zombies scattered into the various rooms of the Lion's Pride Brothel. Many screamed as they realized what was happening. Brraaiins, our little gnome, was thrown onto a pair on the bed. A draenei on top of a human. Brraaiins held on as she bucked wildly, was she trying to throw her off? She started to lose her grip on the Draenei and bit down on her shoulder. The draenei screamed. "Ohhhh yesssss, harder, Mmmmm HARDER!" The draenei bucked wildly as the she went into a pleasured frenzy. Brraaiins bit down harder, drawing blood and her teeth sank in. "Ohhh Naaru yesssssss, Mmmmm!" Brraaiins was terrified, she thought she was going to be thrown off and suffer a nasty head injury. Zombies came in to her rescue, each one biting on the human and the draenei, the draenei letting out a last, loud moan before becoming silent.

For hours after that Goldshire was overrun by the zombies. They danced and romped around the street, in the Inn, and on the roof of the blacksmith.

Then the king's army came...

---

A man in blue armor shook the gnome. "Oi, you awake? Oi, little gnome, wake up. Ye seem to have escaped a nasty ordeal."

Brraaiins sat up, looking around. At the end of the street there was a huge burning pyre of zombie bodies. "Brraaaaaiiins...?"

"Little thing's been traumatized. 'ere, why don't ye head on up ta Stormwind, they'll take care of ye up there." He pointed her up the road.

She stood up and started to hobble her way in the direction the man had pointed her. "Braaaaiiins..." She sighed, it was a long walk for a gnome with such short legs, especially since her legs didn't seem to work all that well. She also seemed to have a hard time controlling her eyes. As she entered the gates of Stormwind, the guards looked at her strangely, but none of them seemed to deem anything too out of the ordinary about this lazy-eyed wobbling gnome. Inside the gates there were several tables set up. The signs on each read,

Stormwind Residency and Visitors Applications

Plague Refugee and Immunizations

She wobbled her way to the first sign. The man sitting at the table looked over it to see the short gnome. "'ey there little missy, whatchoor name be?"

"Brraaiins..."

"Strange name 'ey?" The man began to write, filling in several lines on a form, before stamping a wax seal on a blue ribbon.

"There ya go then, welcome ta Stormwind Brraaiins. If ya be lookin' for a house then we 'ave a real estate office right inside th' gates." (And you wonder how the plagued grain made it inside)

Brraaiins took the official document, looking at it.

Official Form of Stormwind Residency. She stared at the paper as she walked into the city, then shoved the paper in her mouth, chewed it and swallowed it. She looked about the bustling city, seeming enamored by all of the happenings.

She made her way through the canals and into Old Town where she began to wander the back alleyways. A strange looking hooded man rushed up to her and shoved something at her. It was a strange box. Several men chased after the strange man and didn't seem at all to pay any mind to the gnome. Voices came from the box, and Brraaiins replied to them.

"Brrrraaaaaiiiins!" She shouted into the box.

They yelled back at her, she wasn't sure what they said, but she giggled and banged the box on the ground. They shouted again at her.

She had little people in a box!

She giggled more and walked into the nearest door...

[aleros]

They attacked the harbor, legions of undead, the king there to defend the city til the last scourge fell.

Brraaiins had been sleeping in a corner in the harbor when the commotion and shouting started. When an enormous abomination loomed over her she squeaked, groaned, and ran as fast as she could up the ramps and out of the harbor. There were huge crowds of soldiers, and she almost got stepped on once or twice, and even a couple of times she ran into a pole or a wall... she still hadn't fully regained control of her eyesight.

"Brrraaaaaiiiiins...!" She wailed.

"There's zombies around here men, keep an eye out, we don't want any plague spreadin' again!"

She ran into that building she had become so familiar with, where there were people and many things to chew on. She spent the night there chewing on various pieces of silverware, mugs and plates. In fact it seemed she had completely forgotten about the scare she'd had earlier. Her short term memory was still shot.

She spent the night watching as paladin after druid after paladin paid attention to one man with a bad leg. It even smelled funny and she had tried to suggest putting it next to a fire, but nobody seemed to pay her any mind. She was scared of the light at first, but after awhile it didn't hurt her, so there was no harm in it, right?

Towards the end of the night however, she heard the call of the Lich King. All able bodied Scourge were to go north... Brraaiins was perplexed. How would she go so far? She made her way to the harbor, looking out at all the Frost wyrms. One landed over near the light house, where no humans were. It looked at her, it called her.

She drooled on herself and stared back.

"Oh just get over here." She heard in her head. She nodded and jumped off the harbor into the water. She didn't swim... so much as sank to the bottom and very slowly made her way along the bay's sandy bottom. The slope went up and she made her way out of the water onto the island. The frost wyrm had waited patiently. It hunkered down as low as it could and she tried fruitlessly to crawl on its back. It sighed, the water around its head freezing, and grabbed the gnome with its giant talons, taking off with a gust of cold wind right before the harbor arches noticed and began shooting at it.

They flew north for awhile, it was dark and the gnome couldn't see where they were going.

"Brraaaaaaiiins?"

There was no response from the frost wyrm.

She sighed. Suddenly there was an explosion, the frost wyrm was hit by a giant flaming ball. Another came. The wyrm roared and tried to dodge another, but this one hit the wing and the wyrm began to tumble through the sky until it was in a complete dive towards the ground.

"Brraaaaiiiins!" She laughed and giggled, as best as a zombie gnome could laugh and giggle.

The frost wyrm plummeted, before crashing into the thick trees of the Hinterlands.

[aleros]

From the wreckage of bone and ice emerged the gnome, nearly unscathed. She didn't take time to brush herself off, and she saw lights, bright shiny lights... plus the lights were north of her where she was headed.

She hobbled up a steep slope and into a large stone building. Two dwarf guards looked at her oddly as she passed, but didn't hinder her entrance.

"Brraaaaiins?" She tugged on a dwarf's sleeve.

"Tha inn? In th' back little'un." He seemed drunk and hobbled off in his own direction.

Brains shrugged and headed off in the direction which he had pointed. The innkeeper was busying himself talking with another dwarf. Brains hobbled up to the counter that was over her head.

"Braaaiiiins..."

The innkeeper stopped talking and looked over the counter. "Ye want a room then? Lessee yer credentials."

Brains thought for a moment. She shoved a finger in her nose, dug for a bit while the innkeeper and his friend looked on in disgust. After a moment of digging she procured a large, wobbling mass of a booger that seemed slightly moldy on one side. Ahhh... that felt much better. That had been clogging her sinuses for awhile.

"S'good enough fer me." The innkeeper opened a large book, skimmed through it, then closed it again. "Room thir'een." He handed the gnome a key and pointed her in the direction of the rooms. As she walked in the direction he had pointed, she looked at the key she had just been given. She was awfully hungry... down it went in one gulp. She wandered down the thin hallway. It was kind of quiet but then came some noise! From that door on the left.

There were things making noise on the other side of this wall.

"Brraaaaains!" She called out. She pushed her body against the door, arms at her sides. Her head came back and then began to bang against the door. "Brains! Brains! Brains Brains!"

"Whaddisit?!" Called a voice from inside.

"Maybe you should answer, it could be important."

It took a minute for the door to open, but as soon as it did Brains tumbled forward into the room and right at the feet of yet another dwarf who was only partially clothed, and looked hurriedly clothed at that.

"Who is it honey?" Called a night elf on the bed, who had nothing but a sheet wrapping herself as she sat up in the bed and looked over.

"S'a gnome." He looked at Brains, rather annoyed. "Well whaddisit, what'd ye want a' this hour?"

"Brraaaaaiiins."

"Well tha's jes' bloody great! Ye really could use some."

"Braaaaaiiiins!" She wandered into the room, past the dwarf and towards a flower pot. She picked it up, dumping the flowers and water out and stuck it in her mouth.

"What does she want?" The night elf whined.

"Bloody bearded 'ell if I know." He huffed. "The 'ell do you want?!" He demanded of her.

"Braaaainnnsh?" She slurred a bit and drooled as the pot rolled around in her mouth.

"Well m-maybe she wants to join in?" The night elf timidly suggested.

"S'at so?" The dwarf seemed genuinely intrigued.

"Braaaaaiinnnsh?"

The room door closed.

---

The next morning Brains awoke early, zombies didn't need much sleep. What had happened the previous night? She was between the two lovers on the bed, both were smiling broadly. She still had her tattered clothes on. The other two didn't.

"Braaaains?" She hopped out of the bed. A zombie wasn't going to dwell on such things. She again made her way to the front desk where she again found the dwarf, "Braiiiiiins?" She asked him.

"Whassat, ye want to know how ta get ta New Hearthglen? Well tha's easy. Ya see ye go outta Aerie Peak 'ere 'n head east until ye get ta a pass in th' mountains 'n head north through't. Then ye head around the lake until ye hits a road 'n follow it east. When't forks ye head south. Ye be in New Hearthglen!" The innkeeper paused. "Saaaay, there's somethin' odd about ye..." The innkeeper stared at her for a moment. "Th'hair! S'a natural pink, 'aven't seen much more'n a dye job in a long time! Well, ye have a good trip then aye?"

"Braaaaains!"